Bobby's Birthday

It's Bobby's birthday and we're having a medieval-themed birthday and we're decorating it with medieval things.  This is Bobby sitting at the throne at the start of the meal.

This is the Queen of the Castle of Stepp smiling insanely.

Douglas, the Wizard of Barnacle, with his staff glowing and exploding. 

I was Fynn, Knight of Barnacle, with a shiny-tipped sword.

The world's most insane court jester, 90 years old, who hunts peacocks.

The King before the meal, without his crown, in front of a present (a painting).

At the meal, we got a menu at the start with lots of items from a king's court.  And there was three different courses, we would choose of the first one two different items, of the second one three items, and of the last one we chose one item.  The Queen of Stepp, Keren, would bring us the food that we would pick, and we would not know what we were getting.  And two days before the meal we had that time to earn little gold and silver stars.  And we could use those to get other things of food.  The gold stars, we could pick what we wanted from the menu, and the silver stars, Keren, Queen of Stepp, would pick, and we wouldn't know what we were getting.  And of the first course, you would be getting your utensils and your plates.  And Douglas, when he was picking, did not get any plate, and got a giant Bowie knife.  And used it to pierce raisins. 

The Court Jester helping the Knight of Barnacle choose items on the menu.

My Dad, the Court Jester, cooking a piece of steak that he got over a candle, in a candle holder that I made out of clay that I bought. 

My mom, the Minstrel of Stepp, getting more food during the meal.

Douglas, Wizard of Barnacle.  Keren, Queen of Stepp.  Bobby, King of Stepp.  Lena, Queen Mother of Stepp.  Fynn, Knight of Barnacle.  Michael, Court Jester of Stepp. Bethany, Minstrel of Stepp.

These are the cards that we got two nights before the feast.  I sealed them with wax. 

This is the throne, and the crown that me and my mom made is on the back of the throne. 

We strung these on the ceiling for some of the decorations, with giant S's on them for Stepp.  They came from Keren and Bobby's wedding. 

This is a castle made of rice crispies, with chocolate poured over it, that Douglas made for Bobby. 

This is the cake that my mom made with one pound of chocolate in it, and a stencil of powdered sugar on the top.

Bobby, King of Stepp, holding up the card that I made him for his birthday.

Robert, King of Stepp, holding up a cat Mikey that I made of Fimo for his birthday.  Mikey, Bobby's cat, the barfing machine. 

This is Fynn, Knight of Barnacle, and Douglas, Wizard of Barnacle, and our friends, walking to the park with Bobby, King of Stepp.

The Feast is OVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shifting family dynamics

we've never had so much time together (as a family) as we've had in the last 5 months.  for the two years we lived in PA, Michael spent nearly all his time in the city working, and was home with the boys and I from Friday night to the pre-dawn hours of Monday morning.  weekends were delightful, but also a bit stressful.  you can't pack in all the things you want to, ever, and there's never enough time to talk or catch up or "show dad" or figure out how to handle the latest behavioral issue with the boys, let alone work on the house, have fun, play with the neighbors, or jump in the river. 

we learned to handle it over time, as you can become used to just about anything.  i became accustomed to evenings alone, doing my thing, and Michael spent time with friends many nights, and packed in second jobs many others.  we talked a lot more frequently than we had during previous work-apart times, and that helped keep us up on what was going on with each other.  but there was no way he could parent from afar, that was 90% my job.  we made joint decisions sometimes, but i was the one doing the day-to-day everything.  and yes, at times i begrudged it.  struggled with it.  lost my temper with it.  (mom's falling apart, run for the hills!) 

what ended up shifting my overall thinking on that, though, was to thank him (almost) every week for working.  to realize that i did NOT want to trade places, and that he gave up almost all the sweet bits of living on the Delaware in order to earn the lion's share of our income.  he never saw the bears, missed the best snows, early morning mists on the river, hikes through the woods with the boys, and the time to do more than stare at that very alluring primed canvas on the wall of his studio.  he missed so many things, and i hardly ever heard a peep about it.   he straddled two worlds, never able to fully settle in either one. 

though he often thanked me for taking care of the boys and house for the week, (which made huge inroads into my begrudging), it was still a struggle for me overall.  socially our life was very limited during the week, and i was with my boys a LOT.  we grew cooped up, in the winter especially, and things honestly got pretty sour between Douglas and I.  we're so alike that I struggle to be gracious when confronted with my own annoying traits, especially in preteen male angsty forms.  we butted heads.  competed.  annoyed each other to death.  by the time Michael would get home on Friday, I really just wanted to take off for 24 hours and not talk to anyone, at least not anyone male.  shop by myself, watch a movie, go out with a girlfriend somewhere, sit alone by the river with a glass of wine and a book ... anything to flee from a small house and 3 males and responsibilities out the wazoo.  this sometimes happened, but not often enough.  bandaids only go so far :).  needless to say, our family structure was not in an ideal place.  there is no perfection, ever, but the situation was straining a lot of things, most notably my relationship with the DOV. 

when this trip started to solidify in our plans, and michael's last day in the city approached, i was wildly happy about it, but also a bit trepidatious.  could we really spend ALL that time together and not get on each others' nerves?  michael generally has a much bigger need for "alone time" than i do, and he was used to having train rides and subway rides and the occasional evening wandering the streets of nyc.  i, in turn, had gotten very used to watching my shows once the boys were in bed, cooking haphazardly, working in client jobs at night, and, to be totally honest, sleeping alone in a double bed without listening to snoring, or even alarm clocks.  

so the prospect of every night together, and nearly every day together ... how would that play out?  would michael get pent up without his studio?  would we be able to live in a 30-foot trailer without wanting to kill each other?  would i feel challenged by sharing the parenting and homeschooling with him again?  many questions, many fears ... and many of them unspoken.  just simmering beneath the surface, adding to the weight of the overall changes, and the emotional upheavals of moving and packing and giving up a fixed home. 

i need not have worried.  truly.  we went out to a forest preserve today with Keren and Bobby, and while soaking up the sunshine of a 70-degree day and the peace of the woods, it hit me.  we've changed.  our family has changed.  the way we relate, balance, talk, interact, and play ... it's all shifted.  we're much more of a unit.  being together has shifted the parenting back into dual mode, and it's helped immensely to have help and have a full-on partner.  to have someone to keep me from getting overloaded, and to honestly take the majority of the load a lot of the time.  he's tackling homeschooling in ways i never could, and is able to motivate Douglas in ways that I can't possibly pull off.  as I get a chance to step back, I can see my relationship to D more clearly ... and appreciate him a lot more, while butting heads a whole lot less.  we're balancing out.  finding our groove, and trying out new ways of working together. 

we do manage to take time alone too, which we both still need, and though it's less than ideal, it's working.  i hole up in the bedroom when i have to, or Keren drags me to Starbucks and we spend a couple of hours digging deep into life and issues and the splinter-under-the-fingernail stuff.  it's golden.  michael stays up late by himself sometimes, though not nearly as often as I'd expected.  we, miraculously, have slept in the same bed together for almost 5 months straight.  it's a new record.  i'm actually getting used to it, and loving the fact that we actually live together, work together, parent together ... and still actually LIKE each other.  yes, love too, but LIKE is huge, and generally underrated i think.

one more thing, this working together bit ... i've known for a long time that we work well together ... we had a taste or two of  it before we got married, and i really enjoyed it.  we complement each other a lot in our skill sets, and after nearly 15 years we've learned each others' strengths, weaknesses, and foibles for the most part.  we have more patience with each other, and so know better when to step away and call a Time Out, or recognize that Leave Me Alone For This Part look.  several times in the last 6 weeks we've had days where things just weren't going smoothly and he'd poke away at his stuff and I'd plod away at mine, and near the end of the day we'd tackle something together and realize that we would have had a much better day if we'd done that a lot earlier.  we just fit.

don't get me wrong however, we are NOT glued at the hip, and spend many many hours apart most days, but we're behaving a lot more like a single body when it comes to projects, rather than a pair of uncooperative elephants (or a ridiculous push-me-pull-you).  we're more in sync.  and it's making things go a lot faster, and smoother. 

we're also drawing together, which michael has talked about, and i'm really loving it as a creative outlet ... as a family.  it erases boundaries, tramples on egos, removes competition, and produces stuff that screams Us, and not just Michael or Fynn or Douglas or me.  it doesn't replace being creative alone, and shouldn't, but it does seem to do something a bit magic.  we own what's created as Ours, and that's good.  also, it's impossible to draw together while hanging on to a sour attitude.  some of us have been known to try, but it lasts for maybe 90 seconds. 

the last bit, which was the sweetest part of my afternoon in the sun, was to suddenly realize that most of this shifting and figuring out would have been a LOT harder had we hit the road running from the very get-go, and wandered through 5 states by now.  we'd still be trying to find our groove as a family, while living under much more chaotic and shifting social situations.  i've been sitting here frustrated, champing at the bit (a bit panicked even), and feeling like we've lost all our momentum, courage, mojo, and followers.  it doesn't make for that lovely in-the-moment feeling, nor does it make me feel free to wander off to the forest preserve for the afternoon.  which was the best thing we could have done today.  i found my peace, my heart, my vision, and a whole new viewing point on the 78 days since we left home. 

onward!

Wings in Spring and Springy Wings

I hate to admit it, but we’re stuck.  I’m reminded of my graduation ceremony.  We had a fairly large high school and could afford to rent a flock of doves to be released as the symbol of the graduate’s flight into the Real World.  The time came when we all sat, diplomas in hand, and the string was pulled.  The cover slid off the cage and the flock burst up into the sky in a glorious cloud, circling once over our heads as if to include us in their new-found freedom.  The band struck up a triumphant tune and the cloud winged a bee-line to the end of the football field and roosted in the boughs of a large maple tree.

And after our caps were cast, our classmates clasped, the tubas entombed, and our robes removed, we walked to our cars looking back at those birds, like Poe’s raven, tenaciously grasping their branches of maple, unmoving.

Our current circumstances place us firmly in the roosting class.  We’ve come to the end of our funds before achieving complete mobility.  Our numerous trickle-income schemes take time to produce, and our local employment search has, to date, yielded leads but no fruit.  Our Hosts, though ever so kind, have been in a similar boat since before we arrived.  There are four main obstacles to getting out alive.  The first is registering and paying taxes on the camper, the next is repairs for Matilda (a new alternator and shock bushings), the third is buying food to eat and fourth is gas to go.  There are a lot of other bills and needs but those 4 things will get us to the next paying job.  And so I am casting the net further afield. 

We have somewhat to offer from a distance.  I will draw black and white portraits from photos for $25 a person, oil pastel portraits (color) for $75 a person, and painted portraits for $300 a person (you know Mother’s Day IS coming soon).  Bethany is awesome at making websites and editing stuff.  Any other commissions or ideas are very welcome. 

The spring peepers are just emerging here in Tennessee as winter’s last hurrah echoes in the hills.  We may be immobile but our spirits soar like kites in this warm March wind.  Douglas turned 13 and had a flying dream last night.  The crocuses and chives are pushing up and I’ve reached 50 rotary pushups in the morning.  Fynn and I are practicing the boogie-woogie on guitar + cello and he’s found a neighborhood homeschooling friend 13 hours younger than him. 

Our family exercises are improving and I swear Bethany is looking younger.  Douglas’s venus fly trap is sprouting flowers and his upper lip is sprouting black velvet.  We’re finding ways to work on Keren and Bobby’s house with what resources are available and I’m very pleased to discover a hair dryer and patience removes the decals from the camper.  Those trickle-income schemes I mentioned are growing into something tangible, maybe something even practical.  How do you feel about online Art Lessons geared around the Family Drawing model? Well, they’re coming!

All our dreams are intact and undiminished, the culmination of which is … What?  No, we're not going to stop with just a mountainside cob village!  There must be BIRDWINGS!  Human Powered, 35-foot, High Tension, Flapping Birdwings!   Of course, we’ll need a mountainside to take off from and as they say – “It takes a village to raise a child … on BIRDWINGS!”

“Sure,” you say, “That’s a nice juvenile fantasy, but it’s been tried and proven impossible.  Man does not possess the muscle strength nor the lightness of bone structure to sustain flight with wings.  Why, his pectoral muscles alone would need to be the size of car tires and even then he’d do no better than a turkey.”

“Yes,“  I answer, “but consider this: what size of -”

“Also,” you interrupt, “Leonardo DaVinci tried it with leg power and it still wasn’t enough.  And if he couldn’t do it, do you really think you’re going to be able to?”

“Well, actually, my design incorporates the use of –“

“Plus,”  you continue, “Science has come such a long way since DaVinci that surely SOMEbody would have found a way by now.”

I am silent now, biting my tongue, which tastes bitter.  I stare awhile at your implacable cat-that-ate-the-canary smile then open my mouth …

“Actually,” you say, ”I saw this YouTube video where a Dutch guy made a pair of wings with flapping motors controlled by Nintendo Wii paddles that amplified his arm movements.  He had one video of him flying with it, but a lot of experts said the whole thing was a hoax.”

“Aaaaaaaargh!!” I say.

“What?” you ask.

“Those wings, even if they ARE real, are NOT human powered, they’re human controlled!  Flapping wings HAVE to be mechanical, NOT motorized!”

“Why?”

“Because everyone says it’s impossible!”  I seem to be shouting a lot.

“But …” you seem genuinely puzzled, “It IS impossible.”

“Not if” I have my head in my hands, “You make the wings large enough to render the person’s weight negligible or even complementary to a balanced system of tension. “ I say quietly.

“How big would that be?”

“About 35 feet, is my guess.”

“How on Earth,”  you demand,  ”are you going to Flap wings that big?!”

“That’s where the tension comes in,”` I brighten, “In my design, force is only applied at the top of the stroke and the bottom of the stroke and tension does the rest of the work.  Imagine holding a 3-foot tightly coiled spring horizontally by the center.”

“OK,” You are imagining.

“OK. When you move your arm up and down, what happens?”

“The spring bends and my skin gets pinched in the coils.”

“Ok, ok.  Imagine it’s a thin 8-foot dowel of wood.  What happens?”

“Hmm …” you muse.  “The ends begin bouncing up and down.”

“Exactly!”  I’m getting excited now, “And if you keep a steady rhythm you only have to move an increment at the top and bottom of the stroke and the bouncing ends flap harder and harder.  The tension of the bent stick stores the energy expended and uses it in the opposite stroke!”

“My imaginary stick just snapped in half,” you lament.

“Very Funny” I say dryly.  “Now watch this video on YouTube to see what I’m doing with this principle.  I’ve not gotten far, but it’s a good start.”

“Ok,” you say, and you do.

“This,” I say when you return, “Is my dream hatching!”

“You’re going to need feathers,” you reply…